Yes, the party starter did not disappoint, LOL.
I've got a bunch of stuff jumbled up in my brain, right now. I had a weekend of doing some physical work that I would never have gotten around to had it not been for party preparations. I worked under my youngest sister's direction for setting up decorations and so forth. I had a chance to observe some things that I don't quite get.
There is something very dangerous about the way my culture treats Birthdays. Maybe having to do some work before mine helped me see a little bit more. There was this scale with 'Oh, it's your Birthday' on one side and 'Do what it takes to make it fun' on the other.
My entitlement was screaming at me, ok maybe not screaming , but it was there for sure, lol. There was plenty about what I shouldn't have to do. No surprise there.
The thing that is most complex to me, at least, was watching others put a lot of work into something that was in my honor. Yes, it was my Birthday, but no the party shouldn't be all about me, and then I'd hear people say that I shouldn't have to do too much because it's my Birthday, but wait, I could see that those people wouldn't want to treat me as if I didn't have to do anything. I don't think anybody really likes the "Diva." So, people pretend that they are celebrating you to be a "Diva" because , I guess, that is what you do. Kind of messy, I think.
However, my family really did put a great deal of time and effort into pulling off my party. My sister used abilities I didn't even know she had while the others did things in the background that I wouldn't even know to acknowledge them for. Regardless of their reasons for doing so, it is no small thing that they did them.
Now, I am on the look out for an environment conducive to advancement. My 18 year old nephew told me about the group he shares his creations with in school, and got to thinking about something in that direction- a group of writers, maybe.
As an aside, my sister has a real knack for the party planning and designing, and I can see that she would do well to pursue it as a side hustle if she could develop a system for it.
I survived my Birthday
Re: I survived my Birthday
very interesting. I have to sit with it a lot... because a life of meaning is, as I see it, is replaced with holidays, occasions for celebration, while the rest of life, I think, is meaningless? living for the holidays? I might be completely off here... please help me out.Majeed wrote: ↑Mon Nov 20, 2023 10:27 am Yes, the party starter did not disappoint, LOL.
I've got a bunch of stuff jumbled up in my brain, right now. I had a weekend of doing some physical work that I would never have gotten around to had it not been for party preparations. I worked under my youngest sister's direction for setting up decorations and so forth. I had a chance to observe some things that I don't quite get.
There is something very dangerous about the way my culture treats Birthdays. Maybe having to do some work before mine helped me see a little bit more. There was this scale with 'Oh, it's your Birthday' on one side and 'Do what it takes to make it fun' on the other.
My entitlement was screaming at me, ok maybe not screaming , but it was there for sure, lol. There was plenty about what I shouldn't have to do. No surprise there.
The thing that is most complex to me, at least, was watching others put a lot of work into something that was in my honor. Yes, it was my Birthday, but no the party shouldn't be all about me, and then I'd hear people say that I shouldn't have to do too much because it's my Birthday, but wait, I could see that those people wouldn't want to treat me as if I didn't have to do anything. I don't think anybody really likes the "Diva." So, people pretend that they are celebrating you to be a "Diva" because , I guess, that is what you do. Kind of messy, I think.
However, my family really did put a great deal of time and effort into pulling off my party. My sister used abilities I didn't even know she had while the others did things in the background that I wouldn't even know to acknowledge them for. Regardless of their reasons for doing so, it is no small thing that they did them.
Now, I am on the look out for an environment conducive to advancement. My 18 year old nephew told me about the group he shares his creations with in school, and got to thinking about something in that direction- a group of writers, maybe.
As an aside, my sister has a real knack for the party planning and designing, and I can see that she would do well to pursue it as a side hustle if she could develop a system for it.
Re: I survived my Birthday
A 'life of meaning' was not a thing growing up. There was a vague notion of 'giving back'. There was going to school to become somebody. There was put God first or There was family first.
My youngest brother even made a little speech at my party about family first. The point is, there was never any mention, much less examples, of self direction. I heard, if anything , to find your purpose. Never anything about bringing or designing it.
So, I and those like me made a life weaved together by eventful moments with pleasurable activities in between, i.e., entertaining tv, sweet/savory food and sex when possible.
I can remember being unsettled to some degree. There was a God who had to approve of me and on the other hand, I wanted to experience as much pleasure as I could to get through the tedium of daily life.
This is nothing groundbreaking. I just didn't know that growing up with 'It’s not fair' was like the ultimate excuse to get off the hook from doing and sticking with anything worthwhile.
And the icing on the cake was that whenever someone was keenly curious about a subject, they were called a nerd or geek.
Looking back, that makes me sad. Imagine what the world has lost from the millions and millions of children who traded their curiosity for what was acceptable- for the quick rewards. This all was me. Opportunity after opportunity squandered.
So, lastly, I wasn't conditioned to even be able to hear what you teach. What you teach requires me to leave from the false comfort of what I grew up in, and now the importance of a new environment becomes ever more clear.
My youngest brother even made a little speech at my party about family first. The point is, there was never any mention, much less examples, of self direction. I heard, if anything , to find your purpose. Never anything about bringing or designing it.
So, I and those like me made a life weaved together by eventful moments with pleasurable activities in between, i.e., entertaining tv, sweet/savory food and sex when possible.
I can remember being unsettled to some degree. There was a God who had to approve of me and on the other hand, I wanted to experience as much pleasure as I could to get through the tedium of daily life.
This is nothing groundbreaking. I just didn't know that growing up with 'It’s not fair' was like the ultimate excuse to get off the hook from doing and sticking with anything worthwhile.
And the icing on the cake was that whenever someone was keenly curious about a subject, they were called a nerd or geek.
Looking back, that makes me sad. Imagine what the world has lost from the millions and millions of children who traded their curiosity for what was acceptable- for the quick rewards. This all was me. Opportunity after opportunity squandered.
So, lastly, I wasn't conditioned to even be able to hear what you teach. What you teach requires me to leave from the false comfort of what I grew up in, and now the importance of a new environment becomes ever more clear.
Re: I survived my Birthday
I saw a bit more in my state between sleep and fully awake this morning. In the evenings, I tend to have cravings, and look to be entertained. I think this may have something to do with more than one thing.
When I’m engaged in a task (i.e. writing) I don’t need to be entertained; I don’t start thinking of donuts and pizza.
Also, I’m wondering what I can do to bring back the curiosity I started life with. I look at nearly everything as if I know that is how it should be or as if I understand it the way I assume it is.
: “Anything you need to remember is a hindrance to being present, a hindrance to creativity, curiosity, and being present. All the ways of being that are part of that pleasant way of being that you say you crave.” (Thank you)
I’m just realizing that when I’m having fun dancing or writing it is in the moment, not from memory.
Forgive me for jumping around as I also saw that I have been desiring to be an object. I want to be seen as handsome with perfect symmetry. That is an object. A real human body is always changing, even if, ever so subtly. Maybe the chemical release in the brain I’d get from my mind reacting to a compliment was just enough to serve as a replacement for being engaged, present, and curious.
In the evenings may be the best time to put myself into an environment conducive to advancement.
When I’m engaged in a task (i.e. writing) I don’t need to be entertained; I don’t start thinking of donuts and pizza.
Also, I’m wondering what I can do to bring back the curiosity I started life with. I look at nearly everything as if I know that is how it should be or as if I understand it the way I assume it is.
: “Anything you need to remember is a hindrance to being present, a hindrance to creativity, curiosity, and being present. All the ways of being that are part of that pleasant way of being that you say you crave.” (Thank you)
I’m just realizing that when I’m having fun dancing or writing it is in the moment, not from memory.
Forgive me for jumping around as I also saw that I have been desiring to be an object. I want to be seen as handsome with perfect symmetry. That is an object. A real human body is always changing, even if, ever so subtly. Maybe the chemical release in the brain I’d get from my mind reacting to a compliment was just enough to serve as a replacement for being engaged, present, and curious.
In the evenings may be the best time to put myself into an environment conducive to advancement.