Day 5

[Jodie]

Today was another interesting day. This morning I met some people for breakfast and I talked about what I was doing with this, what I've experienced so far, and the health possibilities of chewing... one guy got excited and said, 'I'm going to do it!' He says he wants to do it by himself, not in a challenge... when I talk to him again I will tell him how beneficial it is to do it this way, and see everyone else's experiences and viewpoints - I think that adds SO much. He said chewing this way made perfect sense to him. What was interesting is he mentioned that he read years ago that chewing is the mechanism by which our ears clear out ear wax...if that's true, another health benefit!

The other thing I found was that they didn't have the tea on my list, so I ordered coffee, which isn't on my list. I used to LOVE coffee and drink it every morning without fail, and I haven't been since I got the list, so I have to admit I was looking forward to it. I found that initially it was good, but as I chewed it, it got extremely UN-good. Not good at all. I took a few more sips to see if it was a fluke, but chewing the coffee made it pretty much not drinkable. I wonder if it's because it wasn't good for me, and the chewing gives the time for the body to determine that and for me to pick up on it? I'm not sure but I found it very interesting.

I still found chewing my water enjoyable, as well as 'tuning out' to enjoy and explore every bit of food...this time I listened to the chewing in my ears and imagined the wax clearing out...cheesy I know, but it was still a cool experience. I'm also finding that it seems to have kick started my digestive system in good ways, which is wonderful.

But I found, to my surprise, that it seemed daunting to look at continuing, even though I'm having good experiences and I feel like I want to do it forever. This seems to me to be our natural design for eating, for nourishing, for all of our systems, so I want to continue in the challenge. Maybe I felt a moment of trepidation because I don't normally commit to anything for long term, let alone forever. And I was close to being 'off the hook', which is my typical pattern. Continuing makes me responsible and accountable, and my default tends to be to avoid those things. But as it stands right now, I can't imagine NOT chewing my food to liquid, it's so nice to still feel good after eating and to enjoy the tastes so much, and to experience even for that moment being present, which seems to also make NOT being present more noticeable.

This challenge seems to embody both ‘ if I am not for me, who is? And if not now, when?' And also, 'if I am only for me, who am I?' Meaning if I’m only here to wolf down my food greedily and die early, how could I ever learn what there is for me to contribute and become all I can be, meaning expanding so that more light can pass through? And if I do this and don't share it with others who could also experience all of the benefits for their health and their lives, who am I?

I can see I'm making this too long...I'm finding it amazing how far-reaching to every area of life this exercise in chewing is. And the possibilities that it opens up...unbelievable. I found that Baheej's post expressed it so beautifully, where he says 'what price do I put on the source of fulfillment I’d get from looking in the mirror and loving the person looking back at me?' and, 'I can’t overstate the value of having a practice that serves as the foundation for all of the growth that I would otherwise daydream about. Training myself to become somebody may even seem trivial in monetary value, and yet be everything I could ever ask for.' I thought that was so beautifully put... I feel that same way, particularly about being present. I thought I was practicing that so many times in the past, and I even thought I was doing it, but this is the first time that I'm catching a glimpse of what it really feels like, what it is, and what it isn't, which I do see as a practice that can serve as the foundation for all of the growth I would otherwise daydream about, that affects every area of life.

I'm sorry I made this so long...I'll do the assignment part separately.

[Sophie]

there is long and there is 'worth writing, worth reading'... so yeah. nice post Jodie,

[Jodie]

Today was smoother overall in terms of remembering to chew at least 40 times, even if I was just grabbing a couple of pecans in passing or something...it seemed to be more natural today. We went to dinner with a few friends, which was the first time I was doing this in a group setting...it wasn't as unnatural as I thought it would be. The great thing is I was a lot quieter than normal, because I had to take a lot more time to chew.

I mentioned this challenge and this process to a couple of friends who were talking about the terrible heartburn and indigestion they get, thinking they would jump at it. They both looked at me like I just landed from Mars, and one said 'I already eat slow'... so I see I didn't manage to be inspiring in this case.

I had the same experience tonight with wine that I had with coffee the other day. I love red wine and I used to drink it daily before I got my food list, so I was looking forward to having a little tonight, but as I chewed it, the flavor left and it tasted like pure alcohol and I had a tough time drinking it...that is so interesting.

On the assignment, there was a lot to think about. The conversation FOR action... actions that are powerful and forward the project of the achievement of better health and becoming an expanding human being.... what would be the most productive for me would be to take on the attitude of being the boss, the boss of planning my eating so that I can best practice being present and chewing, the boss of slowing myself down and tuning in, and the boss of continuing to participate in the challenge in the interest of becoming unconsciously competent at drinking my food and chewing my liquids, which will also make me more effective at sharing.

The opportunity is enormous... this is an opportunity to BECOME someone who is present, who is on the side of life and living with vibrant health and the energy to become an expanding human being, a larger vessel for the light to pass through...a CONTRIBUTION. An opportunity to open the gateway to a life worth living. Other people have managed to accomplish what I intend to accomplish. I don't have the skills yet, but I am committed, and I do have the time, the resources, and the support to do it.

If I have a breakdown, I will need to recommit, to being the captain of the ship and the boss of my health and my habits, or to experiencing being present and all of the sensory experiences that come with it, or to taking myself out of being hurried, or I would need to recommit to sharing in a way that others would be inspired, NOT as 'I know and you don't so I'll tell you'.

I believe that what I wrote (actually re-wrote) for each step is strong enough and clear enough to carry me through, and I am committed to doing what it takes to get better health, vibrant health, and the energy to do the work, rather than choosing to avoid taking responsibility for my life and using 'I don't measure up' as an excuse for never amounting to much. I also believe that the things I've experienced so far are motivating and will carry me through, along with the opportunity to share and not make it 'all about me'. The possibility of helping others to have healing, better health, and better lives is also powerful enough to carry me through.

I have hopes and dreams of experiencing 'receiving for the sake of sharing'. I say hopes and dreams because it seems very far off, so far from how I have been all of my life, so foreign. I'm trying it now, as I'm working on getting my husband to do this along with me. I also have hopes and dreams of giving Sophie a victory, because I have lagged behind and had so many failures and she has not given up on me or left me behind...I want to honor that and give her a 'win'. I also aspire to become someone who is present and does not live in a hurry, or pretend to be in a hurry...this is one of the main causes of the serious health issues I've had, and at some point I would love to become someone who has integrity and is authentic and comfortable in their own skin.

As stupid and sad as this sounds, I aspire to be on the side of life, not in resistance...I think there's a good chance that I won't expand as a human being unless I can increase what I can do in the world, what I can contribute. It's amazing to think that this Food Challenge can be the path to all of these things, and yet there seems to be a very real possibility that it can.

[Sophie]

Be careful. You have gone back to 'I want to do everything all at once' mode.

The more you speak or write the less power your word has.

[Jodie]

Okay, I see what you mean...thank you, Sophie.

[Jodie]

The best part of doing this today was what I experienced in the morning. I usually don't feel like eating right away, not until 10 or 11 or so. If we end up eating early for whatever reason, it usually doesn't agree with me...my stomach feels uncomfortable and strange. We ate pretty early today, and I found that eating this way resulted in no discomfort at all, in fact I felt good after eating, which was surprising and great.

I found that when eating in a group it's harder to be present to my chewing and eating, because people are around and talking. But when I do manage to tune in and be present to my chewing, I'm not being present to the people I'm with who are talking with me. That was a strange thing to try to juggle. I'm guessing the point is to just be present, to whichever thing I'm choosing to be present to - is that correct?

[Sophie]

The best part of doing this today was what I experienced in the morning. I usually don't feel like eating right away, not until 10 or 11 or so. If we end up eating early for whatever reason, it usually doesn't agree with me...my stomach feels uncomfortable and strange. We ate pretty early today, and I found that eating this way resulted in no discomfort at all, in fact I felt good after eating, which was surprising and great.

I found that when eating in a group it's harder to be present to my chewing and eating, because people are around and talking. But when I do manage to tune in and be present to my chewing, I'm not being present to the people I'm with who are talking with me. That was a strange thing to try to juggle. I'm guessing the point is to just be present, to whichever thing I'm choosing to be present to - is that correct?

yes. it is near impossible to be present to more than one thing... I can't do it.