it's all fine and dandy, but you still don't have a project. What's missing? A specific and measurable result... visible, demonstratable, outside of your head.Jodie wrote: ↑Sat Oct 28, 2023 8:01 pm I'm reading a book that my friend wrote. It's striking to see the difference between his upbringing and mine, his lack of entitlement and willingness to work for everything he wants, and how important it is to him to EARN whatever he gets, which he started doing when he was about 8. Often even when he earned money his dad took some or all of it, so he learned he’s not even entitled when he earns it.
I see how being entitled comes largely from just getting things like food & clothes without earning them, only because we’re the kid & that seems to be how it works… it seems as I grew up we were taught that just going to college made you entitled to a good job & decent income… Dating for a long time made you entitled to a happy marriage, exercising regularly made you entitled to good health, etc. Or maybe I just made that up from what I heard. I see the pattern for entitlement there.
One thing I noticed that I do… often on work days I have a voice that says ‘I need to do more’. If I were nothing, I wouldn’t even think this - it wouldn’t be relevant. I would just be doing. So I think entitlement supports this by saying I’m entitled to be someone who does more… so I’m entitled to call it wrong that I don’t.
Another thing I do is beat myself up, for whatever version of not being ‘better’ after this much time, etc. Entitlement supports this, because I’m entitled to be better than I am… it’s wrong that it hasn’t happened for me… again I’m entitled to be the arbiter, to judge it as wrong and not take responsibility for the fact that how I see things isn’t accurate, & that I’m not as smart as I think I am, and for not doing what it takes instead of waiting for it to happen.
If I were nothing, I would be doing what I do and I wouldn’t be thinking about myself and my performance.
What I’m doing instead is seeing that what I call it isn’t true… I’m not as smart as I think & I’m not entitled to call it anything or to be any different. Then becoming ‘nothing’, and looking again at what it is.
I’m mostly resting for now, but I’m looking at what there is to do.
Using the Structure for Fulfillment on this project of seeing how entitlement supports what I do:
PROJECT: LEARNING TO SEE HOW ENTITLEMENT SUPPORTS THE THINGS I DO, BY OCT. 31ST.
The WHY: To learn the practice and the discipline to see entitlement in many forms and contexts, to uproot it from my worldview and eliminate it so I can take the next steps towards a life that is meaningful and give Sophie a victory.
My attitude: I'm going to do all I can do to have a meaningful life. To do that I must be alive and healthy. I'm looking deep into entitlement and how it supports my calling how I am wrong, so I can see it everywhere and learn to recognize it and become free from it, free to think about others for a change. Just that for now.
I am that I am not entitled to call how I am wrong, and that I can and will create a new way of being so I can earn a life that is meaningful. I am that I can get to the core of what makes me unhealthy and create something new and inspiring instead.
The possibility is to break free from what keeps me from moving forward and reclaim power over my life and my choices. The possibility is to be finally free from what creates the space that allows deadly illness in, and to live a long and healthy life, free to expand and become who I was meant to be.
Other people have done it. I don't have the skills - I can only do it through DOING & through practice. I have the time and I am willing. It is realistic to think I could be healthy and able to work around entitlement. I have support, and I am willing.
The worth is not measurable - learning to stick to one thing, to be present, not in a hurry, to become one who is FREE from entitlement, and not only for myself...the opportunity is a life that is lived powerfully and is meaningful, and a win for Sophie after all of the agonizing effort to get me through the fog.
My first action step is to discover the entitlement behind and underneath 'how I am is wrong', and how entitlement supports that.
Next is to start recognizing it and taking responsibility for my inaccurate view & for the fact that I was never as smart as I thought I was, and consider that it ain’t necessarily so.
My Floor Practice
Re: My Floor Practice
Re: My Floor Practice
I think the measurable result of that project will be that my cancer will not recur and I’ll be healthier, because I will be closing the space that allows it to grow & becoming willing and able to do for myself what needs done, & responsible for being far less smart than I thought I was. Also I would think my starting point numbers would improve, but not by the 31st… that would take more time. I guess nothing specific by the 31st though, so I see that makes it not an actual project. It’s my one thing’ for health & a life that’s meaningful.
I’m still looking for entitlement and how it supports the things I do. There seem to be some results from doing this intently since I started…one is, initially I started to stop myself when I got ready to tell my husband what he should do or became condescending with him, because I could see I was being entitled. Over the last few days I haven’t even started, haven’t wanted to. Haven’t wanted to buy stuff I don’t need, or scramble to come up with something that makes me look or sound better than I am…it’s been more comfortable to just say I have no skills, or I don’t know enough to have an opinion…or say nothing…oddly comfortable & calm. A little unsettling for my husband, he seems to be wondering who I am and where his wife is.
I certainly don’t think those things are magically gone, and It might be only because I’m in a resting/healing phase, which is humbling… maybe that’s why. But I hope it’s because I now see that entitlement drives those things, and I am not entitled to them. I know I didn’t see entitlement underneath those things before.
While I rest I am looking at what there is to do, the projects I’m creating (still working on the Structure for Fulfillment). Two are for earning a living and a life that is meaningful, two are for fun and a life that is meaningful. I’m just working through the structure for each. I’m feeling so ready to stop being entitled and start doing, maybe because I can’t right now, but I hope authentically.
I can see how the decisions I’ve made and the way that I’ve lived my whole life has been from my own ‘smarts’… always thinking I’m making the right choices, confident that I saw things clearly…I felt entitled to blabber & give advice for the same reason-from my ‘smarts’ I thought I had something to contribute…it was just parroting . Now I do see so much that I was wrong about, and how much I‘ve thought I was better… but there’s still so much I don’t see…it’s my job to be mindful that what I think is true is most likely not, and get used to looking again.
The movie last night and the book I am reading each show a life where hard lessons taught them there’s no entitlement, and what they do instead… both with a mindset of ‘if it’s meant to be it’s up to me’ even for seemingly impossible situations. Both refused to dwell on themselves & their situations. Both worked hard, & when things didn’t go well worked harder. I seem to be seeing more and more what it looks like. But the biggest thing I’m noticing is how they consciously picked up lessons from their experiences and referred to them again, and built on them… like made a mental note of what they learned and used it again to build upon & go further. Something I don’t think I’ve ever done, at least not consciously. This is a big one that I see I want to emulate.
I guess I saw more what the lack of entitlement looks like today. This time of resting is a good time to look at how I will use what I’m learning in real life, in practice. I know I don’t have to be a slave to my baby gene.
I’m still looking for entitlement and how it supports the things I do. There seem to be some results from doing this intently since I started…one is, initially I started to stop myself when I got ready to tell my husband what he should do or became condescending with him, because I could see I was being entitled. Over the last few days I haven’t even started, haven’t wanted to. Haven’t wanted to buy stuff I don’t need, or scramble to come up with something that makes me look or sound better than I am…it’s been more comfortable to just say I have no skills, or I don’t know enough to have an opinion…or say nothing…oddly comfortable & calm. A little unsettling for my husband, he seems to be wondering who I am and where his wife is.
I certainly don’t think those things are magically gone, and It might be only because I’m in a resting/healing phase, which is humbling… maybe that’s why. But I hope it’s because I now see that entitlement drives those things, and I am not entitled to them. I know I didn’t see entitlement underneath those things before.
While I rest I am looking at what there is to do, the projects I’m creating (still working on the Structure for Fulfillment). Two are for earning a living and a life that is meaningful, two are for fun and a life that is meaningful. I’m just working through the structure for each. I’m feeling so ready to stop being entitled and start doing, maybe because I can’t right now, but I hope authentically.
I can see how the decisions I’ve made and the way that I’ve lived my whole life has been from my own ‘smarts’… always thinking I’m making the right choices, confident that I saw things clearly…I felt entitled to blabber & give advice for the same reason-from my ‘smarts’ I thought I had something to contribute…it was just parroting . Now I do see so much that I was wrong about, and how much I‘ve thought I was better… but there’s still so much I don’t see…it’s my job to be mindful that what I think is true is most likely not, and get used to looking again.
The movie last night and the book I am reading each show a life where hard lessons taught them there’s no entitlement, and what they do instead… both with a mindset of ‘if it’s meant to be it’s up to me’ even for seemingly impossible situations. Both refused to dwell on themselves & their situations. Both worked hard, & when things didn’t go well worked harder. I seem to be seeing more and more what it looks like. But the biggest thing I’m noticing is how they consciously picked up lessons from their experiences and referred to them again, and built on them… like made a mental note of what they learned and used it again to build upon & go further. Something I don’t think I’ve ever done, at least not consciously. This is a big one that I see I want to emulate.
I guess I saw more what the lack of entitlement looks like today. This time of resting is a good time to look at how I will use what I’m learning in real life, in practice. I know I don’t have to be a slave to my baby gene.
Re: My Floor Practice
A project is simple. and its measurable result is inside your control... so you don't have a project yet.Jodie wrote: ↑Mon Oct 30, 2023 1:44 am I think the measurable result of that project will be that my cancer will not recur and I’ll be healthier, because I will be closing the space that allows it to grow & becoming willing and able to do for myself what needs done, & responsible for being far less smart than I thought I was. Also I would think my starting point numbers would improve, but not by the 31st… that would take more time. I guess nothing specific by the 31st though, so I see that makes it not an actual project. It’s my one thing’ for health & a life that’s meaningful.
Re: My Floor Practice
A couple of things struck me today as I’m still looking for entitlement and how it supports the things I do:
One is the book I’m reading, where I said I saw so much of the lack of entitlement… the friend of mine who wrote it has had cancer 3 times that I know of, each time life threatening. Is he actually entitled? His story looks like absolutely not, he got nothing that he didn’t work hard for…but maybe he felt entitled to those things, and if they weren’t going to be given to him he would work hard to spite those who didn’t give him what he was entitled to…? Or something like he is entitled to overcome adversities? Entitled to have good health? I’m not sure.
But at this point in his life he has a daily mantra (attitude ) of ‘who can I serve today? Once he went from sales minded to service/win-win minded his prosperity took off…I guess when he was sales-minded, maybe he was entitled to make money from every sale. There were good ‘visuals’ in the book of seeing some of the principles you’ve taught us in action…the cancer part just made me look again at entitlement there.
The other thing I thought about is my sister, less than 2 years older, with the same upbringing…she has such a different life. She works hard, raised 4 kids, has spent her life developing some incredible skills teaching autistic kids … she contributes, in a way that so many can benefit. She is tougher than I am, & seems to be a producer. I guess maybe her genes turned off, and she is not entitled.
My inclination with all of this is ‘I’m left behind, other people are amazing…how I am is wrong’.
As I look at that from nothing, other people are do-ers, were not entitled, and did something long enough to find their passion. Some people quit too soon because they are entitled to not have to buckle down & start small- they have equal intrinsic value but are not doers.
This leads me to where Baheej went…so much wasted time, all because of entitlement that we encountered at around 3…it really doesn’t seem fair. And yet it seems perfectly fair. The real beauty is that we still CAN.
Entitlement supports doing nothing and quitting things too soon. It supports thinking I’m smarter so I don’t have to start where others start. I look back at areas where I felt smarter or better…I even felt I was better than my peers when I got out of Pennsylvania & went to California for school…so stupid, so confining- it supports the exact opposite. I THOUGHT I was smarter & more ambitious, and it supported my being the exact opposite, where I just drifted along to see what comes next.
I am ‘fleshing out’ my projects, so that if I get to continue with life I will start small and start doing. Of course I wish the entitlement gene could just be turned off, but knowing we can work around it and start to see ‘what is’ more often than not is encouraging.
One is the book I’m reading, where I said I saw so much of the lack of entitlement… the friend of mine who wrote it has had cancer 3 times that I know of, each time life threatening. Is he actually entitled? His story looks like absolutely not, he got nothing that he didn’t work hard for…but maybe he felt entitled to those things, and if they weren’t going to be given to him he would work hard to spite those who didn’t give him what he was entitled to…? Or something like he is entitled to overcome adversities? Entitled to have good health? I’m not sure.
But at this point in his life he has a daily mantra (attitude ) of ‘who can I serve today? Once he went from sales minded to service/win-win minded his prosperity took off…I guess when he was sales-minded, maybe he was entitled to make money from every sale. There were good ‘visuals’ in the book of seeing some of the principles you’ve taught us in action…the cancer part just made me look again at entitlement there.
The other thing I thought about is my sister, less than 2 years older, with the same upbringing…she has such a different life. She works hard, raised 4 kids, has spent her life developing some incredible skills teaching autistic kids … she contributes, in a way that so many can benefit. She is tougher than I am, & seems to be a producer. I guess maybe her genes turned off, and she is not entitled.
My inclination with all of this is ‘I’m left behind, other people are amazing…how I am is wrong’.
As I look at that from nothing, other people are do-ers, were not entitled, and did something long enough to find their passion. Some people quit too soon because they are entitled to not have to buckle down & start small- they have equal intrinsic value but are not doers.
This leads me to where Baheej went…so much wasted time, all because of entitlement that we encountered at around 3…it really doesn’t seem fair. And yet it seems perfectly fair. The real beauty is that we still CAN.
Entitlement supports doing nothing and quitting things too soon. It supports thinking I’m smarter so I don’t have to start where others start. I look back at areas where I felt smarter or better…I even felt I was better than my peers when I got out of Pennsylvania & went to California for school…so stupid, so confining- it supports the exact opposite. I THOUGHT I was smarter & more ambitious, and it supported my being the exact opposite, where I just drifted along to see what comes next.
I am ‘fleshing out’ my projects, so that if I get to continue with life I will start small and start doing. Of course I wish the entitlement gene could just be turned off, but knowing we can work around it and start to see ‘what is’ more often than not is encouraging.
Re: My Floor Practice
One of the best things about the Eye-Q so far, besides the brain exercises, is it really shows me how much I am not as smart as I thought…I find some of the exercises HARD, and my reading speed is super low. If I wasn’t seeing it before I can clearly see it here.
Re: My Floor Practice
but if you do the exercises with self-concern, then they won't do what they can for you. So beware... self-concern will keep you at the same placeJodie wrote: ↑Mon Oct 30, 2023 8:45 pm One of the best things about the Eye-Q so far, besides the brain exercises, is it really shows me how much I am not as smart as I thought…I find some of the exercises HARD, and my reading speed is super low. If I wasn’t seeing it before I can clearly see it here.
Re: My Floor Practice
I noticed a few things I do that are supported by entitlement that I hadn't seen before.
One is all of the times I've told my husband what to eat or drink, or what not to...I hate to say that it wasn't care, it was entitlement, as I see it. It was 'I know and you don't'. I was entitled to tell him, meanwhile that entitlement causes my cancer...not very smart.
I'm not even entitled to think I know...most of what I think I know is just parroting.
I noticed that when his ex-wife texts me that it's time for her money, I used to put off responding - entitled to put it off and not give her the respect of a quick answer. I have no entitlement there-she relies on that money and deserves a response. I remedied that today.
I noticed when I'm talking and my husband clearly isn't listening, the irritability I get is entitlement. But just because I'm talking doesn't mean I'm entitled to be listened to or heard. Seeing that made me look at what I was saying and it wasn't important at all. It wasn't personal -he was just distracted.
Chewing-wise, now that I am used to it, I don't tend to forget but I do get in a hurry and distracted. I like the exercise of being the boss and stopping, and taking control of the experience...it makes me see the possibility of doing that in other areas. A tiny glimpse of driving at least one thing in my life.
One is all of the times I've told my husband what to eat or drink, or what not to...I hate to say that it wasn't care, it was entitlement, as I see it. It was 'I know and you don't'. I was entitled to tell him, meanwhile that entitlement causes my cancer...not very smart.
I'm not even entitled to think I know...most of what I think I know is just parroting.
I noticed that when his ex-wife texts me that it's time for her money, I used to put off responding - entitled to put it off and not give her the respect of a quick answer. I have no entitlement there-she relies on that money and deserves a response. I remedied that today.
I noticed when I'm talking and my husband clearly isn't listening, the irritability I get is entitlement. But just because I'm talking doesn't mean I'm entitled to be listened to or heard. Seeing that made me look at what I was saying and it wasn't important at all. It wasn't personal -he was just distracted.
Chewing-wise, now that I am used to it, I don't tend to forget but I do get in a hurry and distracted. I like the exercise of being the boss and stopping, and taking control of the experience...it makes me see the possibility of doing that in other areas. A tiny glimpse of driving at least one thing in my life.
Re: My Floor Practice
let's hope that all this isn't just mind-learning, that it will manifest in your actions in the future. Or it is just another 'I am soooo smart' talk, that is cheap.Jodie wrote: ↑Wed Nov 01, 2023 10:24 pm I noticed a few things I do that are supported by entitlement that I hadn't seen before.
One is all of the times I've told my husband what to eat or drink, or what not to...I hate to say that it wasn't care, it was entitlement, as I see it. It was 'I know and you don't'. I was entitled to tell him, meanwhile that entitlement causes my cancer...not very smart.
I'm not even entitled to think I know...most of what I think I know is just parroting.
I noticed that when his ex-wife texts me that it's time for her money, I used to put off responding - entitled to put it off and not give her the respect of a quick answer. I have no entitlement there-she relies on that money and deserves a response. I remedied that today.
I noticed when I'm talking and my husband clearly isn't listening, the irritability I get is entitlement. But just because I'm talking doesn't mean I'm entitled to be listened to or heard. Seeing that made me look at what I was saying and it wasn't important at all. It wasn't personal -he was just distracted.
Chewing-wise, now that I am used to it, I don't tend to forget but I do get in a hurry and distracted. I like the exercise of being the boss and stopping, and taking control of the experience...it makes me see the possibility of doing that in other areas. A tiny glimpse of driving at least one thing in my life.
Re: My Floor Practice
Ugh- this that Baheej wrote is exactly my thing with being smarter:
My arrogance in thinking so little of what it takes to be great is…well…arrogance.
Yeah, this is where thinking I'm SMART enough to come up with my own way has screwed me. Trying to be SMART was 'cutting off my nose to spite my face'.
I couldn’t say it any better.
I’m looking forward to the next challenge.
My arrogance in thinking so little of what it takes to be great is…well…arrogance.
Yeah, this is where thinking I'm SMART enough to come up with my own way has screwed me. Trying to be SMART was 'cutting off my nose to spite my face'.
I couldn’t say it any better.
I’m looking forward to the next challenge.
Re: My Floor Practice
The real smart thing is to make what you learn your own. It satisfies that need to do your own thing, while it is not bastardizing it... That is what I do. And then you can have your cake and eat it too.Jodie wrote: ↑Thu Nov 02, 2023 8:46 pm Ugh- this that Baheej wrote is exactly my thing with being smarter:
My arrogance in thinking so little of what it takes to be great is…well…arrogance.
Yeah, this is where thinking I'm SMART enough to come up with my own way has screwed me. Trying to be SMART was 'cutting off my nose to spite my face'.
I couldn’t say it any better.
I’m looking forward to the next challenge.