Sophie's Challenges

...I, for one, would love to read how everyone is getting on with the work we've been doing.

I'm curious as to what some of you are noticing in your lives as you continue the 'Drink your food' practice. I have noticed that I am not living 'in the space' Sophie wrote about.

The other day provided a glaring example of what I mean. For context, a few months ago, my youngest sister called me to say that she was intending to throw me a themed birthday party. I told her that I wasn't interested in that. Some time after that call, she called again to ask, and by then, I was aware that a good deal of planning had went into the party prior to me agreeing, so I reluctantly said, 'yes.'

Ok, fast forward to a few weeks ago when I called her to plan the date for her birthday celebration around something she had expressly wished to do. She was all in, and I was excited to carry out the plans. Something said to check in with her the other day to confirm her availability since I needed to book the venue; the venue itself was to be a surprise.

So, she starts bringing up these hurdles as to why she can't be available. Guess what my response was? Yep, I took it personal-( How could you back out. I didn't want to have a party either, but blah, blah, blah).

You can probably clearly see that I wasn't being 'in the space' It was all about me and my sacrifices. Even so, the entitlement in assuming that because I went along with her birthday plans, she must go along with mine.

Here is another angle to look at in this situation: Sophie wrote- "When, on the other hand you see something that you don’t like, you don’t agree with, suspect that these are YOUR dark side manifested and shown to you in other people."
This is hard hitting for me. I was shown my dark side. In this, I am very much like my sister. I did not agree with her choice.

Sophie went on to write: "Uncomfortable, unconfrontable, and that is the value: it starts to develop your immune system.

There is nothing to fix, there is nothing wrong… just being willing to engage in looking, in noticing, and considering that you are seeing yourself is perfect, and enough.

The moment you are trying to change anything, you are in the mind, you are caught up in the pretense mechanism of the mind."

Alright, there's nothing to change.

As to what 'space' I could have moved into, well, that is where I am weak. I am almost sure that there was a time to look at what was there. Maybe ask or acknowledge that there seems to be something she (my sister) is dealing with, and at the very least, open up the conversation for listening and perhaps, compassion.

If I am going to love her, then I suppose this is where I start. Also, there is a possibility for gratitude in showing me my dark side- very valuable.

Thanks for reading this.

Thanks for posting this Baheej, it's really helpful. My first thought reading it was to say congrats on being aware, that seems to be the biggest step sometimes. I agree with you that it's very valuable, to have the opportunity to see your 'dark side', and a great thing that you recognized it...to me that's one of those things that can be simple, but not easy.

I was reading some of my notes about the space that I think might be relevant, at least they came to my mind when I was reading your post... I wasn't clear on what my part is once I manage to 'flow into' the space and take it on. Sophie said that it was almost never up to me to try to change the space, or even to try to add to it or contribute to it. She said that once we identify the space and flow into it, we can bring things like appreciation or respect or love...more like an attitude that we can bring. She said that when she doesn't feel harmonious with the space she brings her appreciation, for her sake...and once that space is a larger space with her appreciation as part of it, she feels at home.

As an example, when she told me that with the group of guys my husband meets for coffee start all chiming in and trying to 'one-up' each other, the space is a space of survival. What I could bring is appreciation, appreciating them for finding a way to survive and support each other, because surviving isn't easy. And that I don't bring it for them, I bring it for me, for my sake.

Sophie said that we can't escape the space - the space is there, it's the distinction that's missing. And that if people knew there was a space, they would never try to change anyone... that everyone is already good just the way they are as part of the space. If something arises that we don't love, we can create the space of loving - not as generating love, but as ALLOWING love, in the sense of accepting things exactly as they are and as they aren't. She said that just bringing that attitude of love in that sense doesn't deny anything, and doesn't want to be superior or inferior...any time those things come in, we're trying to do it through faces, and we'll end up being unhappy. She said that bringing an attitude to the space makes the ego turn into 'an egghead in the back of the room'.

She said that one way to determine what to bring to the space, or what kind of space to create, is to look at what the other person really wants... do they want to feel loved? Appreciated? Well thought of? Supported? Seeing what the other person wants shows us what we have NOT brought to the space, that we can bring.

Another thing I found so interesting is that she said that if we find that we're 'frazzled', or that we're arguing, we'll know that our heart is not in the right place. When our heart is in the right place, we know what we're doing and what our position is, and we get that others may not agree or like it, and we remain unfrazzled and peaceful. She referenced how she never justifies or apologizes for what she does or doesn't do, because she is doing what her heart says to do, so her heart is in the right place.

My challenge there is how I tend to say nothing to keep the peace...it's not necessarily having my heart in the right place, in fact she said it was a 'move', just like arguing would be. It seems that I'll need to learn to distinguish the difference between 'silent to keep the peace' and truly at peace because I'm doing what my heart says to do. I guess the difference is that one is for the sake of keeping the peace and avoiding conflict, where the other is doing what I'm doing for my sake. But I'm digressing, I don't mean to make your post about me... I just thought of these points and dug them out of my notes, I hope it's helpful. Thanks again for sharing that.

Jodie, you have no idea how useful your posts are. They help fill gaps and/or answer questions I wouldn't have thought to ask. Thank you and never hesitate to include anything about you. We are in this- "WE"

I'm going to copy your post for further study. I can already see where I did something just last night that was not from my heart being in the right place. I would always call playing a prank as harmless fun, but after reading your post, I realize that my heart didn't tell me to do that, my devilish mind did.

You may get tired of me thanking you, but hey, THANK YOU!!!