This may not make sense, but here goes. I watched a movie that I was seemingly drawn to. It’s called “Whiplash.” There’s a young musician who goes to a top school for musicians so that he can become one of the greatest jazz drummers.
What makes the story remarkable is the conductor/teacher he has. This teacher would only accept what was precise and correct, only! He berated, screamed, and used whatever tactics he could to push his musicians to his standard. Or, to remove them from his work to create the best in class.
The teacher’s philosophy (In my opinion) was that anything short of greatness was a disservice to the world- robbing the world of the next great musician.
At the end of the story, after the sacrifice of the young musician’s social life, the ostracizing of most of his family, and the physical pain and bleeding from the obsessive playing, he seemed to have a breakthrough. Maybe what you write about-an epigenetic shift.
Sometimes, it seems that I’m really fucked- almost out of time and all. I don’t know what it is to have something that I am so committed to that I could even deserve a maestro that would beat the shit out of me on the way to greatness.
I see what my problem around liberty is. I thought that I could/should get to something truly worth being without the blood, sweat, and tears. Delusionally, I'd get there my way.
You were the only person I had committed to my greatness, but the problem is what you had to work with- me.
The funny thing is, of all the crafty insults used in the movie, unless I’m way off, they weren’t meant to remain as stains, just to push them, I believe. They were meant to be used, I think, to scrape off the complacency, or the arrogance, or whatever weakness resides.
I’m not sure if there is a better way; a way that accomplishes the intent and keeps the student from absorbing the insults, but in any case, that’s far beyond my capacities, at this moment in time.
My arrogance in thinking so little of what it takes to be great is…well…arrogance.
Yeah, this is where thinking I'm clever enough to come up with my own way has screwed me. Trying to be clever was 'cutting off my nose to spite my face'.
How Clever am I?
Re: How Clever am I?
I think this is the big issue.