A New Insight, from Sophie....

[Jodie]

Hello, to all who are still visiting the forum,

I'm fearing the worst...never has Sophie taken more than 5-10 minutes to respond to a text since she did her 'let's say good-bye' call, and today after 4 texts throughout the day I heard nothing.

After her recent articles, where she discovered that the energy could heal her lungs, I got a text yesterday morning that said "I have turned worse. Don't think i will last. Won't want to." She told me she had notified her landlord and her nephew that it was going to be soon. She said she had had enough, that what she was living wasn't life. I sincerely hope I'm wrong, and that she will somehow recover and answer.

We had two calls yesterday...basically she said that while the energy could heal her lungs, her heart wouldn't last...she said her heart issue was a condition, not an illness, so the energy couldn't heal it.

We had two calls because she said she wanted to share what she saw. She said it was something she never saw before, that she said would move a few of us forward. Unfortunately her conference line wasn't working, so she couldn't record it. I did my best to record some with my mp3 player and took notes.

What she saw is that if we each really look at our original incidents, we were all CLUELESS about one thing in a particular way. And the same way that we were clueless in that incident is the same exact way that we are (remain) clueless now.

She said that the key to getting clues is being PRESENT, and that is why the Food Challenge is so crucial. And if we don't know that there are clues, that something else could have been said in each of our incidents, we are, in her words, f**ked.

In my incident, for example, where I ran a race and won, and my dad said I could have run faster....I have no distinction whatsoever of running faster. I only took it personally and saw that I failed...running faster is something I didn't even see. I was left never being able to do better, without ever having tried. I have 'running', but not 'running faster'. Which is completely different than just trying harder... doing is real, trying is not. So, in her words, I decided to do 'A', instead of 'B', when 'B' would have been a better choice. I didn't see the incongruency between what my dad said and what was reality.

Sophie turned her incidents into the reason to live - to find out how what she decided in her incidents connects to her life. She said she never took it personally, never thought it was about her.

In my case, I didn't distinguish that what my dad said was incongruent to what happened...I took it personally. And until I get that distinction of running faster, I will never be the best that I can be. That whole area of distinction is missing: running faster, having more focus, having more direction, doing better.... I've always been trying to do MORE, not BETTER. I only have the distinction of MORE or LESS.

There is nothing to practice until we each have the distinction....for me, the thing to do is to start to distinguish 'running faster'. Meaning do faster, do better, do differently, have more direction, all of the adjustments to action that are missing for me.... right now I only have MORE or LESS. The thing to do is to start SEEING it, and PLAYING with it... 'is this faster? Interesting'... or it could be better posture, or wider, quieter, shorter, bigger, whatever it is. Seeing that the world has more than what I saw. Once we have the distinction, we can see there are other options, other ways to choose than the one way we always choose because it's the only one we see.

There aren't multiple ways that we were clueless... each of us were clueless in ONE PARTICULAR WAY, about ONE PARTICULAR THING, and that one way is a distinction, that needs to be added in to our distinctions, so that we can each stop having a life trying to prove that it doesn't exist.

Sophie's cluelessness, in her original incident where she got lost at age 3 and a man came and took her hand, and she thought he would get her safely home but instead he took her to a barn and raped her, was that she ignored the clue 'for the sake of hope'. And she said she still does. Meaning she missed the clue that she could get hurt...that the 'promise is not real', of the guy she thought would get her back home. Because she missed the clue, she didn't see that there were other options, and she went with him.

She mentioned Kawa as well, where his incident was that he was locked in a hot car and left, and felt he was abandoned (forgive me, Kawa, if I got that wrong, feel free to correct) and left to die in the car...Kawa's cluelessness, per Sophie, was that he wasn't PRESENT. She said that any 3 year old understands that the car can be opened from inside, and had Kawa not panicked and been present, he would have opened the car door from inside and gotten out. And the same way that I am still relegated to never being able to do better because I never distinguished 'faster' or 'better', Kawa is still relegated to never being present and seeing that there are other options or solutions available....per Sophie, because of that, each day is new for Kawa, like the 'Groundhog Day' movie... never being present, never noticing other options so he can build on them to move further. In the same way, Sophie said she still missed at times that 'the promise is not real'. We each have our one way that we were clueless then, and are still, and until we can distinguish it, we're powerless.

As I understood this, the message was that we don't have to be clueless...because Sophie could distinguish where she was clueless, and practiced seeing it everywhere in different areas, she could see that there were other options and choose differently. Our job is to look to see where we were clueless, and then learn to distinguish it, see it everywhere in different forms, so we can see that there are options, more available in life than what we've always seen, and we can choose differently.

I hope this came across clearly, Sophie said that this can move a few of us forward. I wish I had recordings of both calls.

My heart is breaking to think we won't hear her voice again, and her laughter, and her 'vomiting sound', and her stories....like Baheej said, it would be wonderful to even get yelled at again. What a gift to have gotten to be a part of her circle, to get to see the joy and the pain and the funny and the 'F**K!' and all of what she shared with us about the process, and how the meaning is in the journey.

I hope we can all stay connected, she hoped that as well. Her words to us were "your most important task is to support and guide each other to replace me".

If only she could be replaced. Thank you, Sophie - we love you.

I will send this in an email as well, to all of the email addresses I have...thanks to Baheej for sending me what addresses he had as well.

Thank you,
Jodie

[Sophie]

very good job, Jodie. couldn't have said it better myself.

[Majeed]

Wow! Wow! Wow! Sometimes...I just don't have the words to say what something means and this is one of those.

I and those reading your post have our marching orders. Oh, and thank you for tying it all in the way you did. It makes it easier to follow. I'm getting to work on where I have been clueless in order to distinguish it in the many ways.

When I look at my incident (the other boys could go out and play while was told to stay inside because of my asthma episode) I see that I have been looking at what others are doing and saying because I can't do what they do, I can't do anything which actually was I won't do anything.

I have been the poster child for not doing what one can do with what one has.

What is really interesting to me is not seeing how all of the different exercises Sophie has shared/taught were designed to support us in our becoming human-being i.e. better, present, a do-er.

I got a gift yesterday for Christmas. A friend said after a long conversation, " Green light-Go." Somehow I knew what he meant. When I am 'doing', I don't need to live life in a hurry. I'm not late for anything when I'm 'doing'. My purpose is being fulfilled even if I don't have the precise words for my purpose.

I woke up knowing that there is so much to create, and my job is to do (if I have this correct) with concern for how I look, or how it is received. There is to be nothing personal. I will do what I can do as well as I can do it, and love the f*ck out of every minute of it.

As I write this, it looks like we will be fortunate enough to have Sophie to guide us for however long, but her latest nightmare has taught me that as much as Sophie may be touched by our affection for her, the honoring of her is in the work we do, and I can only do that work when I am not allowing myself to be jerked around by the whispers of the voice.

Meaning, I have been all over the place since Sophie's latest battle, and while I can't speak for my other comrades, I must live as if she won't be here for me always. For all I know, I may not be here tomorrow so...there it is.

Thanks again for being a great role model Jodie, and Sophie, if you can find some more rounds to go, I'll jump in the ring with you. Love you

[Sophie]

Wow! Wow! Wow! Sometimes...I just don't have the words to say what something means and this is one of those.

I and those reading your post have our marching orders. Oh, and thank you for tying it all in the way you did. It makes it easier to follow. I'm getting to work on where I have been clueless in order to distinguish it in the many ways.

When I look at my incident (the other boys could go out and play while was told to stay inside because of my asthma episode) I see that I have been looking at what others are doing and saying because I can't do what they do, I can't do anything which actually was I won't do anything.

I have been the poster child for not doing what one can do with what one has.

What is really interesting to me is not seeing how all of the different exercises Sophie has shared/taught were designed to support us in our becoming human-being i.e. better, present, a do-er.

I got a gift yesterday for Christmas. A friend said after a long conversation, " Green light-Go." Somehow I knew what he meant. When I am 'doing', I don't need to live life in a hurry. I'm not late for anything when I'm 'doing'. My purpose is being fulfilled even if I don't have the precise words for my purpose.

I woke up knowing that there is so much to create, and my job is to do (if I have this correct) with concern for how I look, or how it is received. There is to be nothing personal. I will do what I can do as well as I can do it, and love the f*ck out of every minute of it.

As I write this, it looks like we will be fortunate enough to have Sophie to guide us for however long, but her latest nightmare has taught me that as much as Sophie may be touched by our affection for her, the honoring of her is in the work we do, and I can only do that work when I am not allowing myself to be jerked around by the whispers of the voice.

Meaning, I have been all over the place since Sophie's latest battle, and while I can't speak for my other comrades, I must live as if she won't be here for me always. For all I know, I may not be here tomorrow so...there it is.

Thanks again for being a great role model Jodie, and Sophie, if you can find some more rounds to go, I'll jump in the ring with you. Love you

thank you for being the first to sign up to the workshop. I'll do what is in my power to teach what I can.