I'm late, but hopefully not Too late

[Majeed]

I was going to put this in a private email, but what the heck. Sorry you’re going through such a difficult time, and thank you for sharing what you’re learning from doing so.

I woke up this morning with the phrase: ‘how you do anything is how you do everything.’

I can see much clearer why and how I am right where I am supposed to be in all of the areas of my life.
I don’t get to pick and choose what I negotiate for and what I don’t while expecting that everything works out the way I want it to.
I’m tired. I’m tired of pretending and destroying myself. I have listened to the voice in my head to justify eating what tastes good instead of what is actually good for me.

There is no excuse, and now I am having to answer for it. Life really doesn’t give a shit about my expectations. I have a track record of doing something in one area and assuming that will buy me favor in another- another definition of delusional or insane, maybe.
And now, with all of the damage I’ve done, I still look for quick fixes out of it.
I’m not fooling life. I’m killing mine.

Here you are fighting to live in an imminent-like way, and I am fucking around with things that I know aren’t good for me. It’s sickening.
I’ve watched my share of family members rotting their way to death, and I didn’t take a lesson. It didn’t matter that their children were not prepared to thrive without them; it didn’t matter that they didn’t live from a purpose. They simply did not live how life is, what it requires, and they died.
And it’s not personal; it’s happening everyday by the droves.

Ok, thanks for letting me share what I’ve seen so far.
So, how do I get on track to becoming an Adult?
For the hardest headed child of them all, you have been providing the what/how to do, and I need to commit to one of the practices you teach, fully.

And here is where I see that having a purpose is crucial. I, like the many, am also alone at night without a north star; without something to choose instead of the quick, pleasurable option that leads me to destruction.

In my life’s complaint, being left/locked out, I am starting to wonder if a solid purpose could be formed from making something for those who also experience themselves on the outside. This seems to need some working through.

[Sophie]

I was going to put this in a private email, but what the heck. Sorry you’re going through such a difficult time, and thank you for sharing what you’re learning from doing so.

I woke up this morning with the phrase: ‘how you do anything is how you do everything.’

I can see much clearer why and how I am right where I am supposed to be in all of the areas of my life.
I don’t get to pick and choose what I negotiate for and what I don’t while expecting that everything works out the way I want it to.
I’m tired. I’m tired of pretending and destroying myself. I have listened to the voice in my head to justify eating what tastes good instead of what is actually good for me.

There is no excuse, and now I am having to answer for it. Life really doesn’t give a shit about my expectations. I have a track record of doing something in one area and assuming that will buy me favor in another- another definition of delusional or insane, maybe.
And now, with all of the damage I’ve done, I still look for quick fixes out of it.
I’m not fooling life. I’m killing mine.

Here you are fighting to live in an imminent-like way, and I am fucking around with things that I know aren’t good for me. It’s sickening.
I’ve watched my share of family members rotting their way to death, and I didn’t take a lesson. It didn’t matter that their children were not prepared to thrive without them; it didn’t matter that they didn’t live from a purpose. They simply did not live how life is, what it requires, and they died.
And it’s not personal; it’s happening everyday by the droves.

Ok, thanks for letting me share what I’ve seen so far.
So, how do I get on track to becoming an Adult?
For the hardest headed child of them all, you have been providing the what/how to do, and I need to commit to one of the practices you teach, fully.

And here is where I see that having a purpose is crucial. I, like the many, am also alone at night without a north star; without something to choose instead of the quick, pleasurable option that leads me to destruction.

In my life’s complaint, being left/locked out, I am starting to wonder if a solid purpose could be formed from making something for those who also experience themselves on the outside. This seems to need some working through.

Baheej, I really think that your complaint is what's on the t-shirt: I SHOULDN'T have to do what it takes to get what I want. Even in that first incident,you had options... but you didn't go for it. Can we turn it upside down? I think so.